Random fact (or opinion, whatever) to start out tonight - yoga is harder than it sounds. I started a class last Monday and it a little bit kicked my butt. Tonight was better. But I digress...
My grandma had this painting at her house, like my entire life. You know how grandmas' are, they keep things forever. It wasn't necessarily her prettiest picture, she had many others much more beautiful that she had painted herself. But it was always one of my favorites. It was a picture of an eagle and it had Isaiah 40:31 printed on it - "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint". And the end of that old hymn right out of scripture says 'teach me Lord, teach me Lord to wait'.
I was struggling with inspiration for what to write tonight. It's probably because I hit snooze this morning instead of getting out of bed to read my Bible and run...tomorrow I'll be all over it. So while I was in the shower after my crazy exhausting yoga class (I think I was misled into thinking yoga was relaxing) this song came to mind. I learned it as a little kid and it's always been one of my favorite old hymns. I like to belt it out in the shower every now and then and give Andy and the dogs a little mini-concert. It's usually at that point that he turns the TV up. I think as a little kid I liked the song because of the melody but not until I was older did I really understand what the words were saying, maybe not until the past few years if I'm being honest. There is so much hope tied up in that short verse. God's telling us to wait on Him, and He'll sustain us. No matter how tired or weak we get, no matter how much I want to give up and throw my hands in the air and say 'forget it', He's there, ready to pick me up off the ground and give me the strength I need to carry on. And as much as I want things to happen in my time-frame, He's asking me to wait on Him, in essence to trust Him, and He's promising something so much greater in the end. Ephesians 3:20 says "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us". So often God doesn't do something I want him to do or give me something I think I should have and I get frustrated because I want it yesterday, but in the end he does something better than I had pictured. If he would've given me what I wanted in the first place, I would have missed the bigger blessing he had waiting for me.
Does that mean I don't ever question God? No. I was on lunch the other day walking out of Starbucks and for whatever reason I was struck with just how much I want to be a mom. And I started asking God, is this ever going to happen for us? Are we ever going to get to be parents? And it's so hard not to think 'have I done something wrong', 'am I not going to be a good mom', 'there has to be a reason this hasn't happened for us yet'. And then I reel myself back in, or rather God does. And I remember there is a reason that this hasn't happened for us yet. I don't know if I have it figured out, but I know God has a plan. And maybe it's exactly what I'm doing right now. Maybe I'm going through this to help someone else get through it. I may not ever know this side of Heaven, but I trust in who God is. And that will have to be enough.
So if obedience and patience is what it takes to start our family, then obedience and patience is what God will get from me. I'm not going to get all crazy and act like I'm really good at that because I'm not, but I pray for a willing heart. Is this journey how I want to learn patience and reliance on God? Probably not. But does God know this is most likely the only way I'm going to learn patience and reliance on Him? Probably. I'm a big enough person to admit that. I get it wrong more than I get it right, and I'm stubborn and proud (which I just found out about the proud thing) and sometimes I'm just a spoiled brat, throwing tantrums to get my way. But God loves me anyway and He's still working on me. He has high hopes for all of His children if we'll just be still enough to listen.
Until next time...
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